Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize