So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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