My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
