D3 body, D1 cock
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
