anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
