Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
