I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
