NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I still have a little drunk in my system
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
