I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
