Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
