i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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