Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
