Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
