He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
