you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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