I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
People in love make me want to vomit
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize