i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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