Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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