Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
