I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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