Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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