This is not my ceiling
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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