well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
