I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
