So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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