I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
