your parents love me but you hate me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you win again, gameday.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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