I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
