At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
