you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
