So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
