youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
