Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
