Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
