PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my phone needs a breathalizer
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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