I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
