Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
