So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
