My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize