All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
