I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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