I'm sorry my penis didn't work
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
