It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
