I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
zippers are such a cool invention
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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