do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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