your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i would punch a child for taco bell
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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