dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
