he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
