DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
