My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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