a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
