Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
May the power of my ass compel you!!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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