It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
