I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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