drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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