she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
