I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize