Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
