cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
