Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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