I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
