Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
