he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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