They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
