oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
wow bdsm is so cute
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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