hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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