Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
