just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This toilet bowl is my home.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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