great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
