I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
