you guys were way drunker than both of me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
