you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
