Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
