His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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