I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am one with the molecules
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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