He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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