That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
