You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
