They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
