he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
