I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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