Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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