can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize