was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
