What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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