saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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