I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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