I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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