so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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