Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
