and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
