covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will be naked everywhere
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
