So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
