Betty ford says i'm here all night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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