No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Text me some of your sweat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
