Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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