Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The best revenge is premature balding
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
