....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
