Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize