I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
