You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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