Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
