i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
