Those balls look pretty dangerous.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
