it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
