He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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