Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
