I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
